My Body Is Precious

SO, just thought that I would jump back on to the blog after being gone for a year and a half so I can help us all push through that lousy slump we might be in because we haven't completely kept our New Year's resolutions. But, hey! Look on the bright side: it's still February! We have 11 more months to keep pushing until we get to set another resolution. HA!
So, my battle:
April 10, 2013 was one of the best days of my life! I began my 18 month journey of serving an LDS mission (for more info on my adventures, here is a link to my mission blog). However, it also started my battle with weight. As a missionary-especially working with the Hispanic people-you eat a LOT and don't exercise much. This was me when I left (middle):

So, not super, super skinny. But, I'd been working really hard up until that point so that I could have a little cushion because I knew that weight gain for a missionary was inevitable. However, the MTC food is 19 year-old boy food and I gained, like, 5 pounds. Not too bad...

I finally got to Sacramento on May 21, 2013 and got all settled in, but what came next I wasn't expecting. The stress of being in a new place, the stress of learning a language (Spanish), the stress of not having any family with me and being completely unable to communicate with them, the stress of trying to teach and find people to teach, and all of the food I was eating compounded and compounded. By the time I had been in Sacramento three months (August 2013) I had ballooned 20 pounds! I didn't even recognize myself in pictures anymore (I'm on the far right in the following picture). I hated the way I looked. I tried being "healthy" but with no success. So, I plateaued.

And stayed that way through September...

...into December

...and through January.

Then, in February 2014, things changed. The companion I was with at the time was 6 months from going home. As missionaries we liked to do a diet with 6 months left-rightly named "Six Months To Sexy." Well, I was 7.5 months from going home so I thought it would be a good idea to get a head start. So, we evaluated what we could change. I realized that I was eating WAY more than I needed. So, I cut down drastically-which made it easier to buy healthy things because I wasn't spending money to eat out or buy junk food. We also decided to more fully utilize the precious 30 minutes we had from 6:30am-7:00am to exercise. And it worked!

However, all good things came to an end and I plateaued again after losing about 7 pounds. Then, I did something I thought  I would never do-I just stopped eating. Never fear, it only lasted about 2 days. I would just eat almost nothing for breakfast and then sleep during my lunch hour. At about the second day I got this ridiculous pang of hunger in the middle of our working hours and said, "I'm an IDIOT! Go to the nearest McDonalds right NOW!" We went, I ate a beautiful McChicken and vowed that I would never again do something that insane. It's not worth it.

I continued to monitor what I was eating and would get up and walk every morning. I had no energy to run by that point. I'd been out 16 months...but I was making healthy decisions and making sure not to eat too much when members would feed us dinner. One night we accidentally double booked dinner and we ate twice. I ate so much food I threw up after-not because I forced myself, but because my stomach just couldn't handle it.

By the end of my mission in October I had lost a lot of the weight, but was still kinda fluffy. I returned home on October 9, 2014. I was so happy, and yet very sad about having to leave. After a few days of trying to "settle in", my body started to revolt. Anything I ate gave me awful stomach pains-we're talking doubled-over-on-the-floor-writhing-in-pain stomach pains. That, coupled with what felt like a short stint of post-mission depression, made me stop eating again. I lost 8 pounds in 2 weeks. No bueno. I finally got to the point where I could eat again without the pain and I started working for my dad. That pulled me back into being me again.

In December 2014 I had been working out 5 days a week, eating much healthier, and had been working as an electrical assistant for my dad for 3 months. I had lost an additional 8 pounds...

I'm now at the weight I was at when I was 16. I'm hoping to keep going with my loss, mostly to just be healthy, but hey, a girl's got to get some dates around here! I mean, I'm almost 23 :)

If there's one thing that I have learned from all of this it is that my body is special. Yes, we are going to go through ups and downs. We are going to have moments when we hate ourselves and compare ourselves to everyone around us. Most of my companions were sizes 2 through 6. One of them called me fat. You know what, at the time, she was right. But, I channeled it into positive energy and I'm kicking butt! I have found that I have been able to be the healthiest and lost that extra pound when I am loving myself-not punishing myself because I ate that chocolate. Bro, it's OK to eat that chocolate. We need to love ourselves!

I'm currently training to run a 1/2 marathon in July and the RAGNAR relay in June! SO excited!!!
Stay classy!

P90x3 beginning numbers

Here are our beginning STATs for p90x3:


Jen
Body fat percentage: %27
Weight:126
Chest:35
Waist:28
hips:34.5
right thigh: 20.5
left thigh: 20.5
right arm:10.5
left arm:10.5


Tyson
Body fat percentage: %17
Weight:180
Chest:38 3/4
Waist:33 1/4
hips: 35
right thigh:23.5
left thigh:23 1/4
right arm: 12.5
left arm: 13


We did the Yoga today and it felt so good!  I forgot how much I loved it!  I have a little cold - so it was especially nice to do it today.


I was thinking yesterday how it may be a little crazy to do this right now in the midst of Macie joining our family, but really it is so much better than what we were doing.  My mornings are so much more calm with doing 30 minute workouts instead of an hour.  I eat breakfast with T and the boys now. It is really nice.


I am still trying to figure out a menu that will work for us.  It needs to fit both our lifestyle and our budget.  Our grocery budget is $480 a month/$120 a week for all of us.  I also want to make things the kids will eat.  I will be posting our weekly meal plan on here once I figure it out.  I am hoping that as I eliminate things like buying 4 cereal boxes every week, crackers, bread, etc - it will free up enough of the budget to buy enough fruits/veggies. 

P90x3 Beginning

We started P90x3 yesterday.  I am loving it so far!  I have put myself to a challenge to complete the 90 days while sticking to the workout and the diet. 

Workout:  It is a little bit different because I am used to running for an hour and my an-aerobic exercise has been at least 45 minutes, so switching to 30 minute workouts feels like I am slacking!  It is definitely HIIT (High-Intensity Interval Training) and the 30 minutes are tough! 
Food: I have felt great over the last couple days.  I am excited to continue the program.  The eating plan is pretty simple.  It is just eating healthy and how we should be eating! Each person has a code of how many protein/carb/fat they should have for each meal/snack and you just have to figure out what to want that fits the code.  


It was an answer to prayer last week - once again.  I was REALLY snacky and binge ate for 2 days straight. I can always feel a loss of the spirit when I over-indulge.  I know the Holy Ghost leaves me.  I feel awful and Satan is in full force to tempt me to continue the gluttony or to become very depressed about myself. 
I plead with Heavenly Father to let me know why I was so snacky.  I wasn't feeling any sort of emotion or boredom that usually leads to my gluttony. 


He peacefully answered that it was because I was tired!  Yeah!! Of course it makes so much sense with our newborn - even only getting 6 hours of sleep instead of 7 was taking a toll on me.  I decided that when I felt those snacky feelings I would stop working, lay down, meditate and perhaps power nap for 10 minutes.  Now - I haven't officially done it yet - but I have stopped working and performed some breathing exercises.  That really seemed to help and the snacky feelings have dissipated.  Heavenly Father is so mindful of us. It is incredible!

I am not my body...

This year has been quite an experience.  I have been totally rude to myself; my body, my heart and my spirit. 

It all started last January.  I set out to make some new year goals.  I started thinking about what I wanted differently in my life.  That lead to me bringing myself down about my life choices.  I felt like a huge failure.  I beat myself up for everything from not getting my degree to my bad handwriting. 

I was really upset and disappointed with myself for not following through with goals. 

At that time my husband and the Lord helped me realize a few things about myself.  I realized that even though I had not accomplished many of MY goals, I had always done what Heavenly Father wanted me to do.  I included Him in all major decisions in my life.  Those major decisions haven't always led me to accomplish my goals (yet), but it was what was right for me. 

Even after I realized that, in the back of my mind I knew that there was one thing I could always have success in because I had total control over it. 

That was my weight loss goals.  I wanted to lose 10 pounds.

It shouldn't be hard, right?  Well, I got on myfitnesspal and tracked every calorie ingested.  I sacrificed and kept track.  I lost 7 pounds.  I was struggling to move past that number.  I set new goals and off I went.  A few weeks later I wasn't losing weight still.  I decided to no longer include my calories burned on myfitnesspal that I burned working out. 

 That meant that every day I would eat 1200 calories and that was it. 

I changed my goals to include that I would only snack on healthy things and that I wouldn't eat sweets for 5 weeks.  I had a calendar and was marking off each day that I accomplished my goal.   

As I restricted and counted every calorie I found myself being very protective of my food.  Food became my life.  I think because I was hungry, I was constantly thinking about food and what I would eat next.

Then the binging started to happen.  If I was stressed or bored, I started to eat.  I would eat a lot.  I can remember "eating my emotions" even as a teenager.  I have used food to change how I feel.  It had been a problem in my life, but now it was uncontrollable.  I felt like I couldn't control my behavior.  I found myself addicted to eating.

That didn't sit well with my weight loss goals, of course, so I started looking for fast ways to burn metabolism. (see where this is going?) I started looking for foods that would help my body get rid of food in my stomach quickly.  Mustard shots?  Okay, I tried it, nothing.  Salt water flushes?  Tried it.  It sort of worked. 

But I wanted more out.

So I did it.  I made myself throw up.  Bulimia? No, not me is what I thought.  I am not doing this because I have issues with my body.  I just keep making eating mistakes.

For about 2 weeks every time I binged, I purged.

My body went into a revolt. 

 I became so bloated, which didn't add to my feeling better about things.  My throat and tongue were all ready getting raw from the stomach acid.  I felt awful.  I especially felt awful emotionally and spiritually.

After about 2 weeks and binging/purging about 5 times, I talked to Tyson. 

 I broke down. 

I was not treating myself like his queen.  I was not treating myself like a daughter of God.  Tyson was scared.  He had never seen me with such little faith in God or myself.

We talked for hours and he helped me see how much I needed to relax.  He helped me see how much I needed to get back in tune with who I am, with my unique talents and gifts.

I started analyzing my thinking patterns.  I was so mean to myself!  I expected perfection and wouldn't accept myself it I was not.

I also realized that I was constantly evaluating people's bodies and judging if mine was better.  I had been measuring the success of people by the size of their waist.  I was constantly comparing myself to others and even comparing myself to images on TV, magazines, etc.  All my self-esteem was wrapped up into what I looked like and not who I was.

So then I started to just eat what I wanted.  Well, the binging didn't exactly stop. 

Now I was addicted and it was habit.  I gained a couple of pounds.

For spring break, we took a trip to Utah and I had another melt down. 

Conversations about family members included talk about people's weight and I interpreted this as family measuring success on how in shape others were.

This tore me up. 

I felt like people were looking at me and just seeing *failure* and

that I didn't have it all together.

Tyson was my rock once again and helped me see how I was judging people incorrectly and that I needed to give myself a break. 

He helped me see how much I needed to love myself.

After that, things have gotten a lot better.  I did gain back all the 10 pounds that I lost, however, I changed my focus from needing to be skinny to needing to be healthy. 

I am doing the things for my body now that it truly needs.  Fruits, veggies, healthy options are now being consumed by myself and my family.  We are making better choices together and it doesn't have anything to do with our waistline.  Even though a great benefit of being healthy is the weight loss.  I have lost 5 pounds or so.

I have really been concentrating on finding myself again.  I have tried to be more open and friendly with people and love people for who they are with all their faults and weaknesses. 

I am learning to be patient with myself. 

I am basing my self-esteem on things of eternity.

The perfectionism I have is pretty deep seated.  I see now how expecting perfection has prevented me from really appreciating the Savior and what He has done for me.

I have been in a sense of denial about my weaknesses because I never wanted to own up to them.  I am striving now to realize my weaknesses in loving and lighthearted ways.  I am striving to be gentle with myself.  I am learning to laugh at myself instead of belittling myself for my mistakes.

My hopes for the rest of this year are that I really learn to identify who I am and who I can become.  I hope to become closer to my Savior in every way.  I am really reading my scriptures now with real intent to become closer to Him.  I am keeping a journal, writing down things I am thankful for, experiences I have, and things I can do better. 

 

I am not my body.

But I am because I am not perfect and neither is my body.

So deal with it... 

I sure am trying.

Quote of the month

I love this quote, "If you go on doing as you've always done, you'll go on getting what you've always got."

So true!  I have kept my goal of staying under my calorie count for 7 days now.  Feels good!  The part that I have failed on is snacking on only fruits, nuts, veggies.  I keep eating sweets.  Valentine chocolates, cookies, whatever the kids have.  sigh.
  It seems silly to me that I am half in and half out, so I decided today that for the next 4 weeks I am going treat free.  This is going to be a huge challenge, but one I am up for.  No artificial sweetner either.  Sam taught me years ago that artificial sweetner will make your body crave sugar.  What happens is our body thinks it is getting sugar because of the sweet taste in our mouth.  When it doesn't get it, it will crave it.  We drink Crystal Light around here.  I usually have one glass with dinner. 
So, no chocolate, candy, pudding, crystal light, anything of that nature until March 15th. 

I posted my goal on the fridge with a number for each day I accomplish my goal.  It feels awesome to mark off the day when I do it! 

Ready Now

I am finally ready to make and keep a commitment.  I am ready to write my written statement and stick to it.  I tried to follow Sam's recommendations below as I was writing this.

"I am achieving 35 consecutive days of being under my calorie count goal on myfitnesspal.com.  I will track my food and exercise every day for 35 days.  I will follow Sam's 12 healthy eating tips.  I will only snack on nuts, fruit and vegetables.  I will continue to be consistent in exercising and sleeping.  I will lean on Heavenly Father to help me accomplish this goal and all goals in my life.  I will be closer to Him.  I will turn to Him and give my burdens to Him as he will make my burdens light."

If there is anyone who wants to join me on myfitnesspal.com, let me know.  I would love to have someone doing this with me! 
 

Nutrition Tips from Sam

Nutrition Tip

12 KEYS TO HEALTHY EATING

1. Always eat a healthy breakfast. Healthy breakfast  options may include fruit, low-fat protein and (optional) high-fiber whole grain.
2. Eat 3 healthy meals and 1 to 3 small snacks per day. Try to eat every 2 to 4 hours during the day. DO NOT SKIP MEALS!!!!
3. Eat a protein-rich food (>10 grams) with each meal. Good protein sources include fish, chicken, turkey, lean beef, low-fat cottage cheese, cheese, plain low-fat yogurt (Greek-style is best) and eggs.
4. Eat a green vegetable salad or at least 2 fibrous vegetables daily.
5. Consume 1 to 2 servings of healthy-fat foods everyday. "Good fat" foods include: nuts, seeds, peanuts, olives, avocados, cold-water fish, olive or canola oil.
6. Eat fiber-rich foods. Try to get at least 25 to 30 grams of fiber per day. Good fiber-rich foods include: beans, lentils, oats, peas, ground flax seeds, pectin fruits and 100% whole grains.
7. Drink 12 to 24 ounces of warm or hot water first thing in the morning with juice from ¼ fresh lemon or lime.
8. Minimize or avoid the consumption of processed carbohydrates, which include: white flour, refined sugars and artificial sweeteners.
9. Avoid the 3 S's, which include saturated fat, refined sugar and excess sodium.
10. Minimize the consumption of saturated and trans-fatty acid foods such as margarine, fried foods, hard fats, red meats, organ meats and dairy fats.
11. Drink at least 8 glasses (8 ounces) of water per day, minimizing the consumption of soft drinks and other caffeinated beverages.
12. Avoid eating any food, especially processed carbohydrates, 2 to 3 hours prior to your regular bedtime.

www.samvarner.com

 

Sam is a great friend.  One of the Smith family.  I loved these healthy eating tips.